Golfing Etiquette

Spotted the below terms on the excellent Neston Nomads site. Made me chuckle. So thought I'd include them on this site. I might consider extra handicap points for appropriate use of these phrases during the tour. 

Golf's alternative dictionary:  

TEE SHOTS 

A Sally Gunnell – an ugly one, but it will run and run.
A Paula Radcliffe – not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell and runs a little bit further.
A Condom – safe, but didn’t feel that good.
A Yasser Arafat – ugly and in the sand.
A Gerry Adams – a provisional.
An OJ Simpson – got away with it.
A Princess Grace – should have taken a driver.
A Douglas Bader – looked good in the air, but didn’t have the legs.  

FAIRWAY SHOTS

A Kate Winslet – almost perfect, but just a little bit fat.
A Kate Moss - almost perfect, but a bit too thin.
A Michael Barrymore – a long iron.
A Russell Grant – a fat iron.
A Peter Mandelson – an unbelievable iron.
An Arthur Scargill – a really good strike, but a poor result. 
A son-in-law – not what you wanted, but it’ll do.  

IN A HAZARD  

An Adolf – two shots in the bunker.
A Saddam – go from bunker to bunker.
A Chuck Berry – no particular place to go.
A Red October – under the water with no chance of finding it.
A Glen Miller – kept low and didn’t make it over the water.  

PUTTING  

A Cuban – ball need one more revolution.
A Salman Rushdie – impossible to read.
A Rock Hudson – thought it was straight, but it wasn’t.
A Dennis Wise – a nasty five footer.
A Diego Maradonna – a very nasty five-footer.  

Can anyone translate these into Spanish?